I love gifts.

Large gifts. Small gifts. Lopsided, red paper hearts. Lumpy, clay figures.  Every gift that my boys ever made in school has touched my heart.

The most practical gift was a set of four matching cloth napkins that were a deep shade of green. Each napkin had been enthusiastically stamped with bright crimson and persimmon colored Fall leaves by my younger son when he was in second grade.

So I was very surprised to find that my predominant love language, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, isn’t receiving gifts!

After years as a marriage counselor, Dr. Chapman noticed that each person has a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. And, ironically, they are usually drawn to people who speak a different “love language” than their own.

Dr. Chapman wrote the book   The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts to let others know about his discovery.

What Is A Love Language?

The 5 Love Languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation – You want to hear “I Love You.” Insults or sarcasm leave you shattered.

2. Quality Time – This person needs you to  “Be there for them.” Taking a phone call or texting at dinner is insulting.

3. Receiving Gifts – The thought that goes into choosing a gift is the most important aspect, not the price tag. Missing a birthday or a hastily chosen gift are two taboos for this person. And, gifts shouldn’t wait just for a special occasion.

4. Acts of Service – “Let me do that for you” is music to this person’s ears. But, don’t promise to do something and then forget. Or worse, leave more work for them. This is the classic Mothers’ Day comic strip joke where the kids demolish the kitchen making breakfast for Mom and then leave her to clean up.

5. Physical Touch – Hugs, holding hands or a gentle back rub are what this person craves. Neglect is unforgivable and destructive.

Do you see yourself decribed here?

I discovered to my amazement when I took the online assessment  that my predominant love language is number 4 – Acts of Service. Receiving gifts is second.

Well, that certainly explains why I get so aggravated when my sons forget their chores. And, why many of the physical gifts I chose for my Mom in her later years just fell flat.

Mom was far more interested in Words of Affirmation and Quality Time  but 3000 miles separating us made it difficult to feed her real needs as often as she (and I) would have liked.

So, if you have not yet gotten that gift for Mom, check out Dr. Chapman’s website and the “Love Language” assessments. You may discover the perfect gift for your Mom has nothing to do with cologne or fuzzy slippers.

Do take the assessment for yourself. You can even answer it for your spouse. Then, let your family know which “love language” you speak.

Better communication is good for everyone. . . and you may just get your perfect gift this year.

Happy Mothers’ Day!

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© 2010 CK Wilde. All Rights Reserved. I wrote this article because I found the topic interesting and thought that you would enjoy it, too.  I did not receive any compensation from the author or publisher mentioned in this article. Some of the links on this website connect to programs that provide a small commission (books from Amazon, for example.)