Posts filed under 'Living Will'
By CK Wilde for 3GenFamily Blog
110 Tips for Getting Into The College of Your Choice
Today is April 20th. There are only 10 days left for high school seniors to decide which college they will be attending in the Fall of 2008.
If your high school senior received the perfect offer, you and your student are preparing to visit the school for “New Admit Day” or are making a list of all of the personal items that need to get shipped to the dorm before the first day of school.
Or, if the perfect school did not say yes, your son or daughter is doing much nail biting trying to decide among the acceptances that you have.
And, if your student didn’t make it into any of the colleges that he or she applied to, Tip 90 of 110 Tips For Getting Into The College Of Your Choice by Sandra and Ian Griffin offers hope. There are colleges that offer “late admissions” and others that have “rolling admissions.” Your high school’s college counselor may have lists of these colleges or can get them from the National Association of College Admissions Counseling.
Where to Start in Preparing for College
This tiny gem of a booklet offers 109 other sound tips for actions students and their parents can take starting in middle school and continuing all through high school until your student is ready to board that plane, train, bus or car to begin a new life at college.
Having been through this process with my first son who is one month away from completing his Freshman year at college, I was delighted to discover that Sandra and Ian Griffin cover all of the most important topics our family discovered with our son.
Starting in middle school?
Yes!
Just as learning basic reading and math in 1st grade are the building blocks for your child for higher grades in elementary school, reading and math in middle school prepare your child for high school. It is also a time for your child to start exploring interests that may be come life long passions.
Tip 103: Keep An Open Mind About Your Student’s Interests
I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams that my older son’s hours of Gameboy and Game Cube playing would help him get admitted to college. In fact, my husband and I used kitchen timers to limit our son’s game time. When the timer went off, it was time for him to read, do homework or go outside to play.
Even so, our son pursued his passion, eventually landing a volunteer coding job with an open source online game. That led to becoming a team leader on the open source game project.
When it came to writing the essays for college, our son had quite a story to tell. And, several of the colleges loved it. They saw his commitment and growth through the essays he wrote about handling the good and bad of being a volunteer on an open source game project.
You could say he got into college by playing video games.
110 Tips for Getting Into The College of Your Choice has many more tips about middle school preparation, high school courses, writing essays and choosing colleges. It’s easy to read and very easy on the budget — just $5.99 plus tax and postage. You can order the slim, hardcopy version to keep as a handy reference.
In my last post, Was Your Son Or Daughter Rejected By A Top College?, I talked about what to do if the perfect school didn’t materialize for your high school senior. There are a lot of steps to take before that day comes. Sandra and Ian Griffin’s handy little book is a great place to start.
110 Tips for Getting Into The College of Your Choice
Please check it out.
© 2008 CK Wilde. All Rights Reserved. Please feel free to link to this post but you must have prior written permission to reproduce this post either whole or in part. Please use the comments to request permission.
April 20th, 2008
The court reporter was readying her equipment while waiting for the next case to begin. The bailiff brought in the defendant. The court reporter glanced up to see the next man on trial. Imagine the her shock to see that the defendant being brought into criminal court was her mother’s court appointed guardian!
This man was accused of embezzling from his nephew’s trust account. Was this the same man who was managing her mother’s affairs through the county’s Public Guardian Office? Yes, it was.
This true story made the front page of our local newspaper last week. The woman’s mother has Alzheimer’s Disease. Unfortunately, the mother never completed a power of attorney or health care directive before she became ill and unable to speak for herself.
But that’s only part of the story. The other part, that the newspaper barely mentioned, is about siblings battling over what’s best for their parent. Mom has one son and five daughters. The son was taking care of his mother, but the sisters disagreed with what he was doing.
The adult siblings ended up in court fighting over who should care for their mother. The judge chose to place Mom under the care of the Public Guardian’s Office rather than with one of her children. It doesn’t make sense . . . unless you have been involved in a dispute among siblings.
Despite educational and career advancement after years away from the family homestead, brothers and sisters all too often fall back into the old roles they occupied at age 9 or 10 when they return home to help mom or dad. All of the silly, and ugly, unresolved issues begin to surface. Old behavior patterns and ways of communicating arise like time magically reversed itself.
Unlearning those old behavior patterns takes a lot of work. That work must be done together as a family as well as individually. Career, young families, and misunderstandings occupy brothers’ and sisters’ lives, too. “Why do we need to re-hash that old stuff?” someone questions.
So the old patterns persist. And a judge, seeing dissention that may never end in the siblings lifetimes, chooses a neutral party to manage Mom’s affairs. The county didn’t know about their employee’s little problem.
I can’t say who was right or wrong. But, I know that these are gut wrenching experiences. Hurtful comments from siblings about actions, or lack of action, can leave you feeling incredibly wounded even retaliatory. Siblings may stop speaking to each other altogether, retreating to the safety of their own lives.
You can’t always make the other person understand what you were trying to do, but there is something you can do to heal the hurt.
Jack Canfield, creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, in his all encompasing book, The Success Principles
, offers a 6 step process for getting rid of those negative feelings.
“The following steps are all integral to forgiving:
- Acknowledge your anger and resentment.
- Acknowledge the hurt and pain it created.
- Acknowledge the fears and self-doubts that it created.
- Own any part you may have played in letting it occur or letting it continue
- Acknowledge what you were wanting that you didn’t get, and then put yourself in the other person’s shoes and attempt to understand where he or she was coming from at the time, and what needs the person was trying to meet — however inelegantly — by his or her behavior.
- Let go and forgive the person.”
You may be wondering why anyone needs 6 steps. Why not just jump to the last one?
If the hurt goes deep, your inner self won’t be able to ”just let go”. It is most important to go through each step and acknowledge all of your feelings not just ignore or suppress them. Take as much time as you need.
You can write out your feelings and thoughts for each step, or pretend you are talking to the person. What you don’t have to do is actually confront the other person. Your job is healing yourself.
Interestingly enough, when you heal your hurt, your relationship with the other person may actually get better. I’ve seen that happen in our extended family.
The newspaper story ended on a happy note, by the way. The court reporter and her family reached an agreement wth the county Public Guardian’s Office. Their mom is safe, now being cared for in a facility not far away from her family. She’s not really aware of what has happened. And that may be a blessing.
October 9th, 2007
Is your family like most others? Have your parents (or you) done some estate planning (see below for resources) and then filed the documents away to gather dust and cobwebs until they are needed?
Why do I ask? Because if an illness or accident suddenly happened, you just might discover that those documents are out of date and don’t do the job they were supposed to do!
In spite of the changes that my Dad made in recent years to his documents, he didn’t update all of them. Now as his executrix, I am discovering that some of the documents don’t do what he and my mom originally wanted.
As you may know from my previous posts, my father was frugal beyond belief. He never understood why attorneys got paid so much and tried to avoid using them whenever he could. But, he didn’t totally ignore estate planning.
Urged on by my mother, he got the requisite documents done. And, life events (my mom’s death, remarriage, divorce) forced him to update his will, financial power of attorney and medical power of attorney several times.
But, he never got help with the total picture. So now, I’m looking at estate taxes that wouldn’t have to be paid if Dad had just gotten someone to review his entire estate periodically.
No, not Federal Estate tax. Congress changed the law to increase the amount that is exempt from tax. I’m dealing with NJ Estate tax.
You see, when Congress changed the the federal tax, it threw the states into a tizzy at the prospect of losing desperately needed tax revenue. Every state has dealt with it differently. NJ did something unique — kept the tax rules that were in effect in 2001.
So what should my Dad have done?
Sit down every few years and double check that all of these estate planning documents still met his needs. And, he really should have had an attorney look at them.
What documents am I talking about?
1. Your will - Everyone should have one even if you think you don’t have many assets. The laws of Intestacy (dying without a will) in your state will dictate how your property should be distributed. But, it may not be the way you would want it. Why chance it?
2. Name beneficiaries for all bank accounts, IRAs and securities — The accounts will go to the person you name rather than into your estate and may save grief later. My father had several accounts that did not have beneficiary designations. Bank employees seem to be totally clueless about this.
3. Buy life insurance if people depend on you for support — Keeping small policies in force for elderly parents could help pay the funeral and other expenses if they are paid up policies. Accident policies are a waste of money for most seniors because the majority of our elders die from medical problems, not accidents. My father had 3 accident policies that were worthless.
4. Make out a Living Will or medical power of attorney — I discussed the importance of this in my previous post about getting a Living Will.
5. Make a financial power of attorney — When my father was rushed to the hospital and bounced in and out of rehab for 3 months, I was able to step in to pay his bills and handle his affairs because the power of attorney was in place. It’s a good idea to talk with your parent about bills and taxes before a crisis happens. Know what’s due when and where the banking records are.
6. Plan for children with special needs — Along with the will, you may need other arrangements to care for a special needs child. Don’t assume that the executor will know what you intended. Few of us read minds very well. Siblings don’t always get along. Spell it out.
7. Let your executor know where everything is located – Whether you use a specially designed estate planning organizer or just a spiral bound notebook, mark down where all of the documents are. Organize and label them. Write down the names and addresses of your attorney, accountant, banks and other key contacts. Document everything that is pertinent to your finances and life.
Here are a few resources to help
Wills and Estate Planning Information at NOLO.com
“Get Organized Now” on the Nolo Press website
Find an attorney who specializes in Elder Law
Estate Planning 101 from FindLaw.com
Don’t put off asking your parents about this. You aren’t prying. You are helping them achieve their final wishes.
Do be respectful if you are not designated to handle their affairs. Circumstances change. Your aging parents may need your help in the future if the other person can’t be there. You want to remain on good terms with your family.
Most important, toss away the urge to daydream happily about your future inheritance. If you are in charge of the estate, your elders come first. You may need to make decisions to spend that money for home health care, assisted living or a nursing home. Your focus must remain on doing your utmost to meet your parents’ needs.
After it’s all over, you’ll be very glad you did. (more about the tough decisions I faced in the next post)
August 5th, 2007
One of the Yahoo Groups I regularly read has had an ongoing discussion about health care in the USA. One of the posts talked about the need for a medical power of attorney or Living Will as it’s sometimes called.
K lives in New England. She told us what happened when her mother, who did not have a medical power of attorney, had a stroke and required hospitalization and then rehabilitation. The hospital was willing to allow K to make the important medical decisions without any legal documents. But, when it came time to release K’s mother to the rehab facility, there was only one that would accept her. And, K was required to go to court to become her mother’s legal guardian for that one to accept her mom!
In my Dad’s case, each time he was sent to the hospital, the hospital would not share details of my father’s condition until I faxed them copies of his medical power of attorney. Then, I was issued a confidentiality code which the nurses would ask me for before telling about his current status.
Both rehab facilities my father stayed at, also required that I fax copies of all of these forms. The nurses at these skilled nursing facilities didn’t require a secret code, but my Dad’s chart had information on it about his medical power of attorney and who they were allowed to share information with about his condition.
The medical community takes these documents very seriously.
So, when should you get a Living Will or medical power of attorney drawn up for your parent? TODAY!
And, get one for yourself and spouse while you are at it. We can’t predict when a medical crisis will occur for any particular person. Being prepared will make all the difference.
Here is a more complete explanation of medical powers of attorney.
If your family has an attorney, s/he is the best resource for getting these documents drawn up. Some hospitals and senior centers also provide help in making a Living Will. You can also purchase forms or software to help in getting one completed. The laws vary from state to state about the requirements for signatures and witnesses so it is a very good idea to work with someone knowledgeable of your state’s laws.
Start today.
I am so grateful that my father had one in place when he was sent to the hospital. It made all the difference.
Here’s additional information that can help:
Wills and Estate Planning Information at NOLO.com
July 17th, 2007
