About

“Well, of course, I can do this!” I said.

“My full-time job offers a lot of flexibility and my sons are 13 and 17 now. No problem. This will work!”

Well . . . sort of.

Early in 2005, I became my dad’s primary caregiver. A long-distance caregiver.  My name is Constance Kobylarz Wilde,  using CK Wilde as my pen name.  I’m a full-time working mom, sometime school volunteer and online course student.

I wasn’t worried about becoming a long distance caregiver. Dad was managing well despite several serious medical conditions (diabetes, heart disease, prostate cancer) at age 83. Moral support is easy to do by phone.

But all things change.

First, Dad wanted to eliminate the burdens of owning a home. So, I helped him locate a retirement community and move in. That worked very well for about a year. He especially enjoyed going on the day trips and out to lunch with the other residents.

One day I got a phone call from one of the senior level staff at the retirement community. Was I aware of the problems my dad was having?

Well, yes  . . . and no. I really wasn’t getting it even though the signs were all there.

My father has always been fiercely independent. This usually admirable trait was now becoming a liability.

They found him on the floor at midnight. He had been trying to clean out the refrigerator by sitting on a box. The box slowly collapsed leaving Dad on the floor. He tried for several hours to get up himself without success. He couldn’t reach either of his two phones; he couldn’t reach the buzzer to call for nursing help.

He finally got the attention of the next door neighbor by banging on the wall with his cane after trying for three hours to get up on his own. The neighbor phoned the 24 hour nursing staff who rushed to help.

His comment to me about this incident was, “It’s just too bad that I missed my football game on TV!”

That was the first of a series of incidents and problems that has made long-distance caregiving not as easy at it first looked.  I am learning a lot that’s not in any of the books.

So, I decided to write this blog to share my discoveries and frustrations with others.  And, let others in similar situations know about the resources that are available.

Best Regards,

CK Wilde

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