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“I think I want to sell my house,” Dad casually commented on the phone.
Even after my phone call with my father ended, I didn’t realize how much life was going to change. I figured that this was a temporary situation that would resolve itself in a matter of weeks.
But, life never went back to the way it was before that call. My father’s need for help increased, in fits and starts, until he reached the end of the road in hospice care.
Over the course of two years, long-distance caregiving for my Dad became bi-coastal caregiving. But whether I was with him in New Jersey or researching options at my home in California, choosing the right people to help was difficult.
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Find The Right Housing Option
When my father decided that owning his own home was too much work, he opted for an independent living apartment community that also had an assisted living section. So, when he was no longer able to live on his own, he just moved to the other side of the community.
It took weeks of looking at different facilities and three months on the waiting list to get into the independent living that Dad chose. We were lucky that we had time to do that.
More often, the need for senior housing comes about abruptly. An accidental fall or sudden illness can leave your loved one unable to live alone anymore. How do you find the right housing situation right away?
A Place for Mom is a free referral service that can help you find nursing homes, assisted living, Alzheimer’s care, retirement communities, home care, and other senior care options. This service began in Seattle, WA and now has elder care consultants in most states.
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I recently discovered just how bad it could be while checking out the State of California’s Community Care Licensing search. I kept looking for the places near where I live but just couldn’t find them.
Where did they go? Well, those places were in the database, but listed in a category I would never have guessed.
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Since I became a family caregiver in 2005, millions of Americans have joined the ranks. Most family caregivers do so out of love and respect for a parent, spouse, aunt or uncle. They may give up jobs, friends and outside activities to provide care.
FamilyCaregiverBlog.com has created a national award to recognize the folks who give so selflessly. The grand prize is $5000.
Here is the announcement I received from them:
SEEKING NOMINATIONS—FAMILY CAREGIVER OF THE YEAR AWARD
1 out of every 4 adult Americans is currently providing care for a parent or loved one—do you know a caregiver who deserves to be recognized?
FamilyCaregiverBlog.com is seeking community nominations for its annual “Family Caregiver of the Year” award program. In addition to dozens of local awards, nominees have the opportunity to win a $5,000 grand prize for the national award.
Nominations will be accepted through July 31 at www.familycaregiverblog.com. A panel including experts from AAPR, the Alzheimer’s Association, and CareScout/Genworth Financial, and more, will judge submissions.
Do you want to nominate someone for this award?
The deadline is July 31, 2010 so don’t delay.
Click on the link www.familycaregiverblog.com and then click on “Submit a Nominee for the Family Caregiver Award of the Year” (above the picture of last year’s winner) to go to the Award Description Page. The entry form is at the bottom of the Award Description Page below the mother and daughter photo.
Use the “Share” button below to email this post to a friend or share on a social networking site. Thanks for reading! I enjoy reading your comments, too.
My older son was faced with a really difficult decision last week.
Should he replace his 3 year old laptop before going back to school or try to get by one more year?
He bought a really shiny, black, 17″ screen beauty from HP for his Freshman year in college. It was a deal that made sense at the time. As a computer science major and online video game developer, he needed a machine that had very high performance. Except for its size (too big to fit on an airplane tray table), his choice of computer fit him perfectly.
A number of his friends thought it was a great deal at the time, too. He has discovered that they all have had the same problem with a defective video card that causes the computer to overheat. Based on how it is acting, it looks like my son’s laptop will just quit at any time.
If you don’t have the extended warranty, HP won’t do much about it. So one by one, all of his friends have replaced their HP laptops with computers from other manufacturers.
This isn’t intended to be a gripe fest about HP. After having problems with a defective part, I swore I would never buy Toshiba again. I love the HP laptop I have currently but yearn for a tiny netbook like my younger son’s Asus EeePC whenever I have to haul the HP around.
So what are the lessons here?
1. Don’t overbuy. Get the minimum computer for your needs. Because computers are constantly improving, you will want to buy a new one in a few years. This article by Walt Mossberg tells you what to look for.
2. Do get the extended warranty with accident coverage, if possible. It is easy to get caught in an unexpected downpour and get everything drenched. Most backpacks are water resistant—up to a point.
3. Backup, Backup, Backup. My son chose to buy an external hard drive for backup. He brings it home for holidays and backs up his files onto one of our servers here as an extra precaution. That external drive does make the TSA folks at some airports nervous, though. You might want to explore online backup options so there is less to carry or ship to school.
4. Make your security automatic. Malicious code or spyware is often where you least expect it. You can find a list of reliable, free security software at CPURepairDude.com. This article also explains how to keep your computer running at its best.
5. Desktop or laptop? My son discovered his first semester at college that he really preferred to take notes by hand rather than on his laptop. He could have gotten by with a desktop if he did all his work in his dorm room. His laptop did come in very handy for video gaming parties (his passion). That’s the reason he has chosen to replace the defective laptop with a new one from Asus.
6. Set up your computer environment to avoid headaches and wrist problems. A few months into his Freshman year, my college student son developed odd headaches. After some sleuthing on the web, I discovered that the way he sat with his laptop (head bent down, chin touching his chest) was causing his headaches. Here is a great article at About.com that give you suggestions to avoid repetitive stress injuries.
7. Computer and identity theft are problems on many campuses. Even if you have been backing up your data, having your computer stolen is a major hassle. There are simple things you can do to prevent getting ripped off. This article from eHow.com gives you basic safety tips. Some campuses also have ID programs that help thwart theft. Ask about them.
8. And, one last tip: Buy the laptop before you buy your backpack. And bring the laptop with you when you shop for the backpack so you get the right size.
Hope you have a fun-filled school year!
Use the “Share” button below to email this post to a friend or share on asocial networking site. Thanks for reading! I enjoy reading your comments, too.
A few months ago, I was interviewed by Jen Soong, who was writing an article for WebMD magazine. I confessed my secret for staying healthy and sane when my long days catch up with me.
I discovered this secret when my children were babies. I used to take naps when they did. It was the best way for a 38 year old mom (42 when the second boy was born) to survive having a baby in the house.
How Long Should You Nap?
I usually nap for about 25 minutes. And I set a timer to make sure I don’t oversleep. For me, sleeping too long means waking up groggy and less able to function.
Sleep researchers have discovered that how long you nap determines which mental functions are enhanced. In fact, it is all described in a book by Sara C. Mednick, PhD titled Take a Nap! Change Your Life.
Short naps of about 20 minutes are good for metal alertness. Longer naps benefit creativity and problem solving.
The results showed that people who regularly took siestas, defined by the researchers as napping at least three times per week for an average of at least 30 minutes, had a 37% lower coronary mortality than those not taking siestas. Occasional nappers showed a statistically non-significant 12% reduction in coronary mortality. The apparent protective effect of siestas was particularly strong among working men and weaker among those not working, mainly retirees. Among working women, there were too few deaths to allow inferences.
The researchers believe that regular naps reduce stress which results in fewer instances of coronary mortality.
When Should You Nap?
Are you a “morning person” (sometimes called a lark) or a night owl? The ideal time to take your nap depends on your body’s normal rhythm. I’m a lark in a family of night owls. At 10 p.m., my eyelids are getting heavy. I am ready to get to sleep. But, my husband and sons are just getting rolling on work.
Here is an easy, one-page description of how to pick your most beneficial time to nap and other helpful tips from The Boston Globe.
As the old saying goes, “Try it, you’ll like it!”
Click the “Share This” link below to email this post to a friend or social networking site. Thanks for reading! I enjoy your comments, too.
AARP was always my 80 year old father’s organization—the American Association of Retired Persons.
So I was surprised when my cousin sent me a link to a YouTube video from a contest sponsored by AARP. The intro video for the contest said that AAPR wants to begin a dialogue with the 18+ individuals who live and breathe YouTube. The title of the contest was U@50.
Here is the grand prize winner.
I am jazzed by the hopeful tone of this video. Enthusiastic and forward-looking! It captures how I felt as a college student.
And, now at 50-ish, I am still dreaming…
Click the “Share This” link below to email this post to a friend or social networking site. Thanks for reading! I enjoy your comments, too.
Friends of ours just announced that their son just graduated from college. This announcement came as a bit of surprise because our friends’ son graduated in three years from a highly regarded East Coast engineering school.
Engineering programs are tough! I have known really sharp people who graduated in five or six years from some schools. So completing in less than four years is an accomplishment, no doubt about it.
And, he has already found a job at a tech start-up in San Francisco. These kinds of jobs are exciting (a new direction each week), grueling (80 hour workweeks with naps under your desk) and sometimes financially rewarding (being bought out by a larger company seems to be the trend over Initial Public Offerings.)
So I was looking for a unique college graduation gift and stumbled across Dr. Srikumar Rao’s book Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful – No Matter What. Dr. Rao teaches a very popular course, “Creativity and Personal Mastery” at the London Business School and the Haas School of Business at the University of California at Berkeley.
Dr. Rao believes that you don’t need to work for a non-profit trying to save endangered animals to have work with meaning. Rather, you can give meaning to your business life no matter where you work.
I found myself vigorously nodding in agreement while listening to that podcast. When I review all the jobs I have had, it is clear that I have been happiest at work when I have been able to connect my job to a higher goal. It is the reason I enjoy writing this blog and answering questions on Wellsphere.
Helping people makes my day.
And, it only took me thirty years to figure that out!
With the economy still somewhat tentative, it makes sense for new grads to grab a job that is a reasonably good fit—not wait for the perfect job—and make it more meaningful by adopting an attitude of service.
Working for a small company that does most of its business online means that we don’t have the seasonal celebrations that most bigger companies hold. No company picnics… no three legged races… no sunburned co-workers.
So when the building owner for our office invited the entire building to a barbecue on Wednesday, I thought it would be a great way to meet some of the others who work in the building for other companies. There was a great turnout—the building owner made sure of that by holding an emergency drill for the building right at noon!
So, everyone was milling around in the open patio near the parking lot. There was plenty of barbecue chicken and steak, caesar salad, potato salad, corn, beans, soda, iced tea, water, and cookies and brownies for dessert.
A typical menu for this type of American event.
But, I had forgotten just how much salt food like this could have. My stomach was happy when I left the barbecue but it didn’t take long for an overwhelming thirst to set in.
After multiple cups of water and green tea, I finally began to feel normal again. Sigh… too much salt in that food. I made a mental note to drink water and mingle rather than eat at the next event.
Since my Dad died, I have spent time pondering what I could do differently to prevent getting the multiple illnesses that plagued him—diabetes, heart disease, stroke, prostate cancer and kidney failure.
Skipping the beer and hard alcohol was an easy one. Cutting back on fat was not so hard to do. Ditto the sugar and empty refined carbs. (Ok, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t sometimes miss delectable crumb cake, raised donuts and New York cheesecake.)
But, kicking the salt habit took a lot longer. I had great motivation—my husband needs to keep his blood pressure under control. So we began a journey together to a low salt diet.
Out went the chips and crackers. I modified each home-cooked recipe to remove as much salt as possible.
Surprise! Our taste buds adjusted to like unsalted foods.
But going out to dinner is like walking in a field full of mines. Can I find the right items that don’t have much salt in them? Sadly, not at the barbecue.
If each American cut salt intake by 1 teaspoon (3g) a day, there would be 120,000 fewer strokes, 99,000 fewer heart attacks and 92,000 fewer deaths in the next year. –Spry Magazine, May 2010.
Salt is essential for life. But, most Americans are fooled into eating far too much. It is hidden in prepared foods and snacks.
Want to prove it? Keep track of what you eat for a day. Record the amount of salt in the food you eat and the recipes you prepare.
Unless you prepare all of your food from scratch and omit salt in every recipe, you’ll be shocked to discover that you get waaaay more salt than the 1500 -2400 milligrams recommended as healthy.
Bread, donuts, breakfast cereal, cheese, lunch meat, tomato sauce, salad dressings, salsa, corn chips, potato chips, canned vegetables, packaged meals and restaurant meals all have added amounts of salt that can tip you over your daily allowance well before your lunch is over.
My Dad would skip the mayo (78 mg of sodium) on his ham (286 mg of sodium) sandwich but then eat cottage cheese (300 mg of sodium) and canned pineapple. Overall, he did cut down on his sodium intake but never as much as he really needed.
When you are 83 years old, giving up favorite foods is exceedingly difficult to do. And, it’s not much easier for a 50 something daughter.
I’ve tackled this puzzle by buying less packaged food and cooking more at home. I purchase chicken broth, tomato sauce and salsa with no added salt. For regular snacks, I get unsalted almonds.
But, sometimes even I forget to glance at the label. The other day I bought plain cottage cheese made by a dairy that specializes in “healthy foods” (300 mg of sodium per half cup) when I should have gotten plain yogurt (125 mg of sodium per half cup) for a between-meal calcium boost.
It takes perseverance to lower the salt in your regular meals because extra salt is everywhere. But, saving 120,000 people from strokes and 99,000 from heart attacks is a really important reason to do it.
And, you may just save the life of your spouse, your children, or your own.
Click the “Share This” link below to email this post to a friend or social networking site. Thanks for reading! I enjoy your comments, too.
Has a spouse or parent recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease (AD)?
I am so sorry to hear that. I still remember the day that my father’s doctor told me about my Dad’s dementia. It seemed unreal. I suddenly felt overwhelmed.
For some families, though, it is a relief to finally have a diagnosis that explains the odd behavior. With a treatment plan from your doctor and frank discussions with other family members, you can begin the long-term process of caregiving.
Caring for a loved one at home takes dedication because caring for a person with AD is more than a full-time job. It can run 24/7 if you let it.
Fortunately, there are many resources available. Here is a short list of organizations and websites that can help.
The Alzheimer’s Foundation – Has a collection of websites to help caregivers, teens, caregiving professionals, even a site on prevention.
HelpGuide.org – has lots of very specific advice on caring for a patient with Alzheimer’s and other dementias.
NIHSenior Health – The National Institute on Aging has a collection of articles for caring for someone with Alzheimer’s at home.
I’d also recommend that you check with your local county Office on Aging (search for “your county” Office on Aging) for information about resources like respite care and adult day care in your area.
It’s a big job to care for someone with Alzheimer’s. Some might call it a marathon for caregivers.
A recent study indicates that dementia risk is higher for someone caring for a spouse with Alzheimer’s than another friend or relative. Stress seems to be the critical factor here.
To minimize the stress, you will need a team to help you provide care. That includes the doctor, your family and friends, local government and church organizations that offer support and services, and even private care facilities.
You absolutely must take time for yourself. And, don’t neglect nutritious eating and sleep. Share your worries with a close friend or religious adviser. You can provide the best care if you are in good physical and mental health.
Get help early and often. Don’t cling to heroic notions that you are the only one who can provide care. Others can provide care that is good enough for that moment.
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If you have a high school senior aspiring to go to college in Fall 2010, you know that May 1 was the deadline to notify schools of the final choice. The difficult decision is over and your teen is now focusing on just one school.
But, what if your student was wait-listed or rejected by his/her college choices?
There is still a chance to get into college for the Fall. The National Association of College Admission Counseling has published a survey of colleges that still have space available for freshmen and transfer students.
The Space Available Survey lists over 200 US colleges and universities that can still accommodate students. Many of them still have some financial aid available.
If your son or daughter is fretting because the only choice is hoping that he or she will make it off of a waiting list into a college classroom this Fall, check out the colleges on this list. There are some great state schools like University of Arizona as well as many private colleges like Drexel University.
In addition to the liberal arts colleges, the list includes several arts colleges and a number of tech schools. So if your teen is set on a career in design or engineering, these schools are a really possibility.
Be sure your student inquires about financial aid availability before applying if you need it. As you can see from the chart, some schools still have money available but that is subject to change.
The college counselor at your high school may be able to offer help in selecting schools from the list that meet your student’s goals. Take advantage of any online resources that are available like the College Board to apply right away.
Students who attend a second or third choice school often return home after the first semester happy with their college lives. Your son or daughter can be one of them.
Don’t delay!
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Large gifts. Small gifts. Lopsided, red paper hearts. Lumpy, clay figures. Every gift that my boys ever made in school has touched my heart.
The most practical gift was a set of four matching cloth napkins that were a deep shade of green. Each napkin had been enthusiastically stamped with bright crimson and persimmon colored Fall leaves by my younger son when he was in second grade.
So I was very surprised to find that my predominant love language, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, isn’t receiving gifts!
After years as a marriage counselor, Dr. Chapman noticed that each person has a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. And, ironically, they are usually drawn to people who speak a different “love language” than their own.
1. Words of Affirmation – You want to hear “I Love You.” Insults or sarcasm leave you shattered.
2. Quality Time – This person needs you to “Be there for them.” Taking a phone call or texting at dinner is insulting.
3. Receiving Gifts – The thought that goes into choosing a gift is the most important aspect, not the price tag. Missing a birthday or a hastily chosen gift are two taboos for this person. And, gifts shouldn’t wait just for a special occasion.
4. Acts of Service – “Let me do that for you” is music to this person’s ears. But, don’t promise to do something and then forget. Or worse, leave more work for them. This is the classic Mothers’ Day comic strip joke where the kids demolish the kitchen making breakfast for Mom and then leave her to clean up.
5. Physical Touch – Hugs, holding hands or a gentle back rub are what this person craves. Neglect is unforgivable and destructive.
Do you see yourself decribed here?
I discovered to my amazement when I took the online assessment that my predominant love language is number 4 – Acts of Service. Receiving gifts is second.
Well, that certainly explains why I get so aggravated when my sons forget their chores. And, why many of the physical gifts I chose for my Mom in her later years just fell flat.
Mom was far more interested in Words of Affirmation and Quality Time but 3000 miles separating us made it difficult to feed her real needs as often as she (and I) would have liked.
So, if you have not yet gotten that gift for Mom, check out Dr. Chapman’s website and the “Love Language” assessments. You may discover the perfect gift for your Mom has nothing to do with cologne or fuzzy slippers.
Do take the assessment for yourself. You can even answer it for your spouse. Then, let your family know which “love language” you speak.
Better communication is good for everyone. . . and you may just get your perfect gift this year.
Happy Mothers’ Day!
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I figured that this was a temporary situation that would resolve itself in a matter of weeks.
. Dr. Rao teaches a very popular course, “Creativity and Personal Mastery” at the London Business School and the Haas School of Business at the University of California at Berkeley.
to let others know about his discovery.
