Should Moms Feel Guilt When Considering A Mommy Makeover?

There are many things that women tell themselves and more importantly what they tell other women. When it comes to pregnancy and how it changes a woman’s body, many tell them that the stretch marks, the weight gain, the saggy breasts and all the other issues are just part of the game, part of the sacrifice, and part of the gift of giving childbirth. This is told to themselves and other women as much as a mental reframe as it is something that is true. The problem is when women are told to think less of themselves when they want to improve these things, when they want to have cosmetic surgery, when they want to have what is now known as mommy makeover surgery to improve these issues that pregnancy has caused.

Just like angry feminism that started to attack women who made different choices than what mainstream feminists thought was right, there are women who attack others who decide to improve their physical appearance due to the damage pregnancy has caused. What many are learning in both of these examples is that true feminism is about making any chores that a woman feels fit to make. That can mean being a stay-at-home mom or being a rocket scientist. When it comes to wanting a fit and attractive body, mitigating the damage that pregnancy has done to a woman’s body, having a mommy makeover surgery is fine too. It is all about personal choices, and guilt should never be involved in that. We all want to look good, we all want to look great, and there’s no reason why having a child, giving birth, having been pregnant should be something that physically and cosmetically holds back a woman’s physical beauty. That is why mommy makeover surgery, pregnancy without all of the physical damage, without the things that it does to the body exists.

Also, it should not be about anyone else but you. If this is what you want, then it is what you want. Thoughts of other people should not matter at all. After all, it is your body it is your choice. It means that you also have to take responsibility for wanting what you want. Often times when a person asks about if they should feel guilty it is as much about society telling these things as it is about what they tell themselves. It is about them buying into a false program that says that you have to look this way after you have kids which we now know is not true at all. You can look like a supermodel after having a kid, you have cosmetic surgery to improve the way that you look, it is all up to you.

So no, guilt should never be a part of making this decision, it is about what is best for you, what gives you the best and most self-confidence and self-esteem. What will make you happy and it is about how beauty, physical beauty is just as important as any other form of beauty.

Ways Through Which You Can Protect Yourself And Your Family In Case Of Floods

Floods are known to cause extensive damage and as such, there are protective measures that one should take in order to protect oneself against floods. Such measures are divided into before and during the flood.

Herein are some of the safety measures that are supposed to be taken into consideration before floods:

flooded road· Educate every member of your family about the emergency procedures in case of a flood.

It is important to ensure that all your family members including the children know where the natural gas main, electric fuse box and the water service mains are and how they are turned off.

· Always plan an escape route in case a flood hits.

Get to know which roads around you are likely to drown easily and those that are not, what is the best place to go to in case a flood struck and above all plan ahead for a safety shelter; this could be a friend’s, or another person’s home.

· If you have pets, plan for their safety.

In most cases, pets are not allowed to stay in shelters due to health reasons and, therefore, it is advisable to have a pre-plan of where to keep them.

· Write up an accurate and complete list of all that you possess in your home.

The sole purpose of this in having a home inventory helps you lay an insurance claim for anything that may get destroyed by the floods.

· There is always an out of state family member or friend that can help.

Therefore, have them listed as an emergency contact in case your family got separated during the flood evacuation. Ensure that each and everyone has a copy of the number or alternatively, has the number memorized to avoid missing persons. It also makes reuniting easier.

During the flood, the safety precautions are:

· Always be prepared for an evacuation as soon as it is announced.

· Remove all harmful materials to higher locations. Such materials include oil, cleaning supplies, and pesticides.

· Close all the valves and utilities, should the flood cleanup services provider advise you to turn off all utilities such as gas valves it is wise to follow the directions for one’s own safety.

· Move all that you possess to a much higher ground. This ensures that all your valuables shall be protected and won’t get damaged.

· Make sure that you confirm your family’s emergency kit. Ensure that it is fully stocked with all the supplies that are going to be needed. Items such as flashlights, batteries, canned food are some of the things that should be present in the emergency kit.

· Do not attempt to swim or walk through water that is moving. Crossing through a flood makes you vulnerable, and you may be carried by the moving water. The best thing would be to go back and look for ground that is a bit higher than the one you are treading on.

· If you are in a vehicle, and it suddenly gets surrounded by water, the best thing is to leave immediately and seek higher ground as soon as possible. Remaining in the vehicle makes you prone to drowning or being washed away.

Caring For Your Parents: Compelling PBS Documentary Glued Me To My Chair

I received an email from my cousin about the PBS documentary, Caring for Your Parents, a few days after it aired on April 2, 2008. He wanted to know if I was going to talk about it here. He thought it was a dynamite show.

I missed it the first time it aired. Fortunately, the entire show is available at the PBS website. So I was able to watch it today.


The Caring for Your Parents website has divided the show into small sections. I was only going to sample a few sections to get a sense of what the show was about. That turned out to be nearly impossible. I had to watch the entire show.

The show’s producer, writer and director, Michael Kirk tread a fine line between respecting the private aspects of each of these five families from Rhode Island while having them describe the unvarnished truth of their lives as caregivers for their aging parents. We follow them over the course of a year. From well-to-do to working class, each family is coping with their parents evolving lives. Several of these families were dealing with parents with dementia.

It’s funny how we sometimes think our own situation is different or unique. I was struck by how eerily similar many of the conversations between adult child and parent and health care provider were to my conversations with my father.

Early in the show, one of the parents was being reminded by his doctor that he needed to give up driving a car because his memory has started to fail. The conversation was so similar to ones I had with my Dad that I was stunned!

The families and situations were varied but the major themes were the same as those I had encountered. Here are a few highlights:

1. Many of our parents believe in being self-sufficient. They will not mention problems they are having because they don’t want to be a burden. So, it is important to have conversations about finances and medical care and to continue having conversations as your parents’ health changes. Their choices and decisions and wishes need to be written down. It’s not one conversation–it’s many over time.

2. Your interactions with your adult siblings regarding your parents will mirror the interactions you had when you were younger. If your fought as kids, you will likely fight about your parents’ wellbeing. You can break out of the old pattern. You need to toss your expectations away about what your siblings ought to be doing. Inter-family anger is likely when one sibling does all the caregiving. It needs to be dealt with in a positive way.

3. The family members providing care often deal with highly technical medical information in order to provide a parent with informed care. It practically takes a Masters degree to deliver medication, understand what the issues are, speak for the patient when she/he can speak for themselves and make the excruciating decision on when to stop a treatment that isn’t working.

4. All of this work takes a huge toll on the caregiver whose health may be in jeopardy from the stress and self-denial. Of the five families, the caregivers who took time to take care of themselves fared significantly better than those that didn’t.

Director, Michael Kirk, tries to end on an upbeat note by talking about “Transformative Moments”. My own experience bears out that there are often funny, happy and special moments shared with your parents as you care for them. The more you focus on those moments of joy the easier it is to get through the difficult moments.

Caring for Your Parents forces us to confront the idyllic myth that we and our parents may have of their independently living out their days in happy retirement until their “time is up.” Our elders are living longer, often in poorer health. They need more and more of our help as time goes on.

This documentary is a real eye opener. Please do watch it.

It is available for viewing on the PBS website and the DVD is available for purchase.

Train Your Brain… Forget Resolutions

Train your brain to get what you want in the New Year.

I hate New Year’s Resolutions.

The minute I resolve to lose weight or save more money, it seems like my brain starts to work against me. Suddenly, I’m seeing luscious chocolate desserts everywhere. Every store has phenomenal sales on items I would just love to own.

What’s with that?

It turns out that my brain is pretty normal. David DiSalvo wrote an article in Lifehacker that explained it in simple terms:

Our brains are reward-seeking organs, and targeting rewards (tangible and intangible) is part of their stock and trade. The problem is, the brain isn’t equipped with an especially keen sense of selectivity about which reward is best to pursue at any given time, and this results in mental conflict about how to direct our energy.

What to do: Be aware that your brain is tuned to seek rewards, but you have to impose a degree of control on the what, why and when of any pursuit. In other words, turn off autopilot and grab the controls.

So I have come up with a way to get my brain trained to cooperate with me. Instead of making a list of resolutions for the New Year, I visualize a picture about myself.

The picture describes in detail what my life will look like at the end of the next year. I imagine myself having robust health, surrounded by happy family and friends, enjoying a wonderful dinner in my home. We are laughing and talking about the wonderful times we all have had during the year.

Every time my brain brings up an automatic thought (like having an extra glass of wine), I stop and compare it with my end of year picture. If I act on the thought, does it bring me closer to my desired picture? If not, I toss it out.

Then, it becomes a game. My brain sends thoughts and I accept or reject them based on my end of year picture. I’m training my brain to give me the thoughts that will bring me closer to the results in my story.

Does it work?

Yes! You do need to take the time to develop your mental picture and stay focused on it when your brain sends wayward thoughts.

Having trouble creating that mental picture? Use Pinterest to create a vision or dream board. Clare Diaz-Ortiz has a great example of a Pinterest Dream Board. You don’t even need to leave Facebook to set up a Dream Board. Here’s a Facebook app you can use to share your Vision with your friends or keep private.

I believe that it is important to keep my vision to myself until it happens. You might find that sharing a dream with a close friend can help. Do what works for you.

Do you train your brain?

Easing Your College Student’s Transition Back Home

This is the third Thanksgiving that our youngest son has traveled home from college to celebrate with us. My husband and I are well adjusted to the changes in our relationship with our young adult. Yet, I clearly remember the frustration and worry I had when our oldest son came home  for Thanksgiving his Freshman year.

We were overjoyed to see him after working through the pain of sending him 3000 miles away.  Having gotten a bit homesick,  he was overjoyed to be home. Yet, we had some significant adjustments to make on both sides.

4 Tips for Parents to Help  College Students Transition Back Home

1. College students are often wide awake at 2 a.m. They are accustomed to roaming about campus  or dorm. Your son or daughter will likely maintain that schedule at home. I learned to plan for late brunches instead of family breakfasts.

2.  In your dorm, no one asks where you are going. My son would often come and go without saying a word. After a few anxious episodes, we talked about it with our oldest son and convinced him that it was important to let us know where he was going and when he would return.

3. Plans are fluid for college students. They might start at one house and end up at another. They might spontaneously decide to get dinner out.  After a couple of frustrating delays in meal time waiting for him to come home, our son agreed to text me when he was not going to be home for dinner.

4. Some underage students drink alcohol at parties in college. I couldn’t control that but I had a very firm rule–no alcohol for anyone under 21 in our home.  Yes, that was strict. But I was comforted by the fact that my son’s friends would not drive away drunk.  You may have different rules.  That’s okay.  Just be clear with your college student on what your rules are. Interestingly, now that they are all legal age, my son and his friends are very responsible drinkers.

Want More Tips?

If you have a college student home for the holidays, you’ll want to check out this great little book, When ‘Junior’ Comes Home From College: A Guide for Parents and College Students It’s actually a two part book.

Part One has tips for parents. The author, Rosalinda Randall, is an experienced parent and etiquette civility master. She offers tips that can make your holiday time with your son or daughter more mellow and joyful.

Part Two shares common courtesies that helps your young adult integrate back into your family with minimal drama.

It is a quick read…just 41 pages in all… yet, powerful in terms of fostering a warm and loving environment in your home. And, these tips also apply for any young adult returning home after being away.


You Might Be A Caregiver If …

Are you one of the 65 million Americans, mostly women, between the ages of 40 and 60, who are caregivers for a family member or friend? Your loving care is making a huge difference for your loved one.

Not sure you are a caregiver? Check out the hilarious video by Jeff Foxworthy below. (PG Content)

November is National Family Caregivers Month.

New research from AARP suggests that caregiving can take a tremendous toll on the caregiver’s personal health and overall well-being. Yet, many caregivers can be reluctant to ask for help.

AARP has a wonderful set of online resources about caregiving that you won’t want to miss. There is even a great article from Dr. Nancy Snyderman about her experience becoming the caregiver for her mom and dad.

Many Thanks

And, if you know a caregiver who could use a pat on the back, check out the, where you can share a message of thanks with a caregiver you know and post it publicly alongside other messages from people across the country to illustrate the number of caregivers nationwide.

If you are a caregiver, let me say “Thank you!” You are making a tremendous difference in the life of your loved one. Know that you are not alone. There are resources to help.

And the entire 3GenFamily Blog Community is cheering you on!

Don’t Let Your Children Make These Dating Mistakes?

Tell your son or daughter to read this article when they get some free time. It will definitely help them!

Millions of couples meet every year, and they date with each other for finding their perfect match. Too often it occurs that he or she commits some dating mistakes and after that he or she loses a chance of getting married to the perfect match. Do you also think that you are committing some dating mistakes because of which you are facing problems in maintaining a perfect relationship with someone? If yes, then you must check below mentioned common dating mistakes. Probably, you will find that what you are doing wrong with your dates. This article will also help you in improving some inner qualities.

Talking about the ex:

Finding a perfect partner is not a very tough task. You can get in touch with many people with whom you can start dating. You can try online dating also and if you are going that route check the reviews on First of all, you would like to know about them and check that person is perfect for you or not. People find their perfect match and then lose him or her just because of talking too much about their ex. If you have done the same thing, it would have worked as a poison for your dating. So avoid talking about your ex-boyfriends and girlfriends and focus on the future happiness of your life.


It is not only about sex, but also about other things. If you want to be an ideal date for your partner, then have some patience. It can result in making your relationship stronger than ever before. Probably you would have dated the same person from a long time, but let him or her initiate first. It will represent you as the best life partner. If you show too much impulsiveness in meeting, talking or in sex, your date may not consider you as a right choice for the life.

Not checking complete details:

An impatience person doesn’t check all necessary details about the person he or she is going to date. Don’t be impatience because you can play detective with him or her. Nowadays we all have a powerful way of knowing everything about a person, whom we are going to date. That way is social media, and you should use it to check the background of your date. You can use Facebook, Twitter, YouTube or any other social media site to know more about your date. If you don’t do that and start dating with that person, later you may reveal something which will pull you back.

Daydreaming about the future:

Have you done this with your ex? If yes, you have made a big mistake. When people start dating, they try to understand the nature and choices of next person. No one thinks about the future because still there is a long way to cover. You should first understand; the person you are dating is completely interested in this relationship or not. If that person is giving you enough time, taking care of your choices, then you can purpose him or her and then plan for the future.

If you want to do successful dating with your perfect date, you should avoid above mentioned mistakes.